Words – City of Glass, Paul Auster October 10, 2009
Posted by openpalm in paul auster, words.2 comments
City of Glass is described on its back cover as “a wonderful whodunnit for metaphysicians”. Auster has a character reading another character’s scholarly work on Milton’s Paradise Lost… I offer this wonderful passage as intriguing in itself (with no desire to check his scholarship)
In Milton’s Paradise Lost, for example, each key word has two meanings — one before the fall and one after the fall. To illustrate his point, Stillman isolated several of those words — sinister, serpentine, delicious– and showed how their prelapsarian use was free of moral connotations, whereas their use after the fall was shaded, ambiguous, informed by a knowledge of evil. Adam’s one task in the Garden had been to invent language, to give each creature and thing its name. In that state of innocence, his tongue had gone straight to the quick of the world. His words had not been merely appended to the things he saw. they had revealed their essences, had literally brought them to life. A thing and its name were interchangeable. After the fall, this was no longer true, Names became detached from things; words devolved into a collection of arbitrary signs; language had been severed from God. The story of the Fall, therefore, not only records the fall of man, but the fall of language.”
Now back to “who dunnit”.
Spirit September 27, 2009
Posted by openpalm in Autumn, prayer, spirit.add a comment
For almost three years now, I’ve been much involved in survivial — rebuilding a place to live and a sense of safety in an exploded world. I finally feel better. I see some openings between minutes when I can think other thoughts, feel other yearnings. Perhaps it’s the effects of Fall, but I think/feel more of golden light and long shadows and the calmer moments as the universe steps back from the frenzy of spring and summer. Odd to think of renewal as the outer world is winding down. Come to think of it, perhaps turning in, not out, now is not so odd at all.
I find myself seeking out places and ways to feed my spirit (now that home and hearth are safe enough.) Last week I went with friends to Santa Sabina for a day of meditation. The center has been created over time by two women, one a Catholic nun, and one a Buddhist. It makes for something quite wonderful.
One way to speak my pondering, “how do I engage in the world of spirit?”
Here’s one tidbit from the day:
Prayer is spirit sighing in us
and another
The goal isn’t to pray to God, but to enter into God’s prayer.
read God how you will.
Rebuilding my non-self September 21, 2009
Posted by openpalm in acceptance, change, seeker, self and no-self.2 comments
Today I wrote my dear A that I needed to rebuild myself. I’m going to a one-day retreat in October on no-self. Hmmmm. I’m sure these go together. When I figure it out (ha!) I’ll be sure to post it here.
Last Wednesday I took one of 18 furlough days from work. Went to Santa Sabina retreat center. Thought this thought (among others):
I don’t belong anywhere.
Since I don’t belong anywhere, I can belong everywhere.
Which half of the glass, depends on the moment.
Death, 4 August 14, 2009
Posted by openpalm in death, depression, happiness, meaning, optimism.3 comments
I don’t know if there is a benevolent god or not. I decided at some point that I might as well believe in one, because in doing so, I could also believe that good would prevail and that life had meaning. I grew up with a felt sense that life does have meaning, qed there must be a god.
Problem with this path is that it’s not true faith, whatever that is, and when pummelled, the thinking doesn’t result in reassurance or extra strength.
There are problems with believing in a god…like, if things don’t go right then *I* must have done something wrong. And when life becomes a long string of wrongs mixed with rights mixed with wrongs, it seems that i’m medocre at best at this business of life.
This thought comes as a shock — I’ve never thought of myself as anything like mediocre, not even average. Hubris? Not just a literary convention perhaps. A great deal of my identity is wrapped up in NOT being average. How embarrassing is that?
How much of what I believe is based on what I want to believe or need to believe? How does any of this align with shapeshifting reality?
Death, 3 August 10, 2009
Posted by openpalm in death.add a comment
Oddly enough, I can’t accept as a title for these blog-blurps, “death”. Has to be “Death”. Big topic requires upper case. Weird, since almost no other topic in my life (including my own signature) seems to require one.
death, 2 August 10, 2009
Posted by openpalm in death.2 comments
When I was about 10 years old, I wondered why I should bother to do anything, if death not only could, but would take it all away.
death August 8, 2009
Posted by openpalm in death.2 comments
a character in a book said, last night, “I don’t believe in life after death, so you see, I don’t have to be afraid to die.”
Wired to be Good July 18, 2009
Posted by openpalm in happiness, meaning, parenting.9 comments
You’ll see the Greater Good link on my blogroll –>
This site is chock full of interesting stuff written by folks at UC Berkeley doing fascinating research on good will and happiness and…well, who are we humans anyway? The masthead holds their quote, “Science of a Meaningful Life.” A nice section for parents…
From there, see this
DACHER KELTNER WEBCAST
Greater Good Science Center founder and faculty director Dr. Dacher Keltner presenting Wired to be Good: What the new science of social intelligence tells us about human goodness, a lecture he gave to the Wheeler Society at UC Berkeley. Click here to watch the webcast
The webcast is really something. Sixty minutes of intelligent reporting on research about how humans are actually wired for (to be) good…
I’d give you a direct link…but I don’t see a liftable url…
Go here, then cursor to the bottom of the page, and find the paragraph quoted above, with a link.
Now July 10, 2009
Posted by openpalm in happiness.2 comments
“Our feelings of contentment are strongly influenced by our tendency to compare”*
comparing self to notions of self, falling short or measuring up
comparing the expectations I’ve come to hold (based on the stories i’ve told and been told) to today’s reality. Happily ever after? Samsara? or something fluid in between?
how do I catch my balance?
what do I teach my son?
*quotation from…The Art of Happiness, His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Howard C. Culter, M.D.
The run-up to now, 2 July 7, 2009
Posted by openpalm in cancer, change, conventional wisdom, economy, meaning.1 comment so far
My parents saw the economy crash in the 30’s. Never occurred to me that it could happen again.
I thought I’d find the meaning in life inside a committed monogamous relationship. After three tries (7 years, 12 years, 16 years) I think I’m done. Where does that leave “meaning”?
I grew up and still think of myself as an athlete. I am now a cancer survivor. I know now in my bones that I will die, perhaps before I think it’s time.
I came up in the 60’s. I helped march away the Vietnam war. I gathered again against Iraq, and was dismissed as a “focus group”. I’ve voted democratic and for school bonds for 40 years. Where has this gotten us?
I was a star at work for many years. Now a younger generation, didn’t know me then, doesn’t think of me now. I realize that opportunity may count more than brilliance or even competence.
I thought I could fix things. Anything. That given enough time my intelligence and creativity could set things right. My disabled son is still disabled. The bank would like my house.
Looking back I wonder what I’ve left behind: parents who were shocked and hurt by my behavior; a brother who stole my inheritance and doesn’t speak to me; ex-spouses who seem to hate me; a job that perhaps could have been done just as well by someone else; friendships valued above most else, but diluted and dispersed as are the friends themselves around the planet and to projects that make them busy busy.
I had great potential. I thought I would shift the world. I thought I’d figure it all out. I thought by being true and living right, that I’d win happiness.
I’ve cancelled the earthquake insurance, my annual parking permit, cable tv and the phone landline. I’d already given up buying books. Now eating out is on the block. No vacations this year; figuring out how to pay for day trips to create “summer” for my son.
I thought I’d be safe. And able to feel proud.
And now?
